Gentlemen, for the holidays this year, give something magical and memorable to your loved one. Perhaps you’ve seen a gorgeous diamond ring at a jeweler and thought she may not want the same old thing. You’ve seen a fancy car with a giant red bow on the hood, but for some reason, it doesn’t seem realistic. Plus, you want to surprise her with an important, functional, yet practical gift—something she’ll appreciate for years to come. The solution is clear. Give her a dick in a box!

Follow these steps:

Step 1 - Cut a hole in a box.

Find a box that will both compliment and emphasize your penis. A larger box will accommodate a larger penis, but make a smaller penis look miniscule. Space planning is essential to a fantastic presentation that will leave her speechless!

Some ideas for boxes include post office supply boxes or cardboard packages. If you’re finding money a little tight this year, you may reuse a shoebox—just make sure to clean it out first! The best type of boxes will have a lid. As a warning to yourself and to others, do not use boxes with sharp edges or metal straps!

Once you have selected the perfect box, make sure you cut a nice sized hole in the side that will fit your fully erect penis. Make sure it’s a little bigger than your penis. You need a bit of wiggle room. This will become vital in the next few steps.  The hole should be slightly larger than the girth of your penis and, more importantly, is structurally secure for your penis to hold up on the entire box up on its own.

For extra presentation points, you can opt to use a compass to draw a circle on one side of the box and then cut it using a razor blade, but remember to follow the steps! Don’t get over zealous and skip to Step 2 while you’re still working on the box, fellas!

Step 2 - Put your junk in the box.

You have your box. You’ve cut a hole. Now you must put your junk in the box! Junk, as you may or may not know, is what we call your penis and surrounding testicles. Most men have penises, though some may not have testicles. This is extremely crucial for your special someone. If you are a lesbian, you may want to read up on How to Put Your Box in a Box.

The tricky part in putting your dick in a box is shoving your genitals into the hole you’ve just cut. It’s imperative you’ve cut a hole large enough to fit your entire “junk” otherwise it will have all been for nothing.

If you’re having trouble, make sure you’re not fully erect when you try and shove your junk into the hole. The easiest way to do this is to look at family photos or take a cold shower. Once fully flaccid, put your junk in the box. You’ll then want to become aroused through the use of aids such as pornography, or if you have a vivid imagination, simply think of your special someone.

If you feel so inclined, you may garnish your penis with tissue paper or other lovely things such as rose petals. This will definitely be a holiday you’ll both never forget.

Close the lid to the box. Stand up tall. The box should be able to stand perpendicular to your body. You’ll now need to be able to put your hands under the box, implying you are holding the box with your hands and not your penis. For added effect, you may look to be struggling and pretend the box is really heavy.

Take the box over to your significant other.

Step 3 - Make her open that box.

The easiest step of all is making her open the box. If you’ve set up the mood just right, she’ll be more than happy to receive a present of any magnitude from you. She’ll be even more surprised when she sees what’s inside!

The best way to set the mood is putting on “mood music.” Smooth jazz, or rhythm and blues will surely set the tone for the evening. Light some candles or put a log on the fire and then dim the lights. A sure way to get your lover ready for their surprise is a quiet evening when no one else is around, so make sure kids, dogs, roommates, or parents or out of the house before giving her your dick in a box. You can hang a sock on your door, or simply give the kids 20 bucks and tell them to go out with friends. If you have a bothersome pet, throw him a bone or buy a new chew toy for him to play with.

You’ve set the scene, and now all you have to do is make her open the box.

Most women will react with sheer delight and joy. Should you experience the opposite, immediately flee the scene, especially if it’s only your second date. This gift is recommended for couples who have been together at least three dates.

If there is a look of confusion, simply state that you’re giving her something you can both use. Smooth the moment over with some sensual massage and allow her the pleasure of taking your dick out of the box and thus, you will have completed your task with great success!

And that’s the way you do it. You now have a present that will satisfy, not to mention make you happy as well. This is a fabulous idea for all holidays from Christmas, Chanukah, or even Kwanza. Give the biggest gift of all this holiday; give your dick in a box!